CRACKS OUT, GLOVES IN 

It is once again the privilege of the Evangelistic Glove-A-Day (EGAD!) organization to bring you the greatest message since the slicing of that first floury loaf:

                                         THE ANNUAL GLOVE NOTICE.

If you are not the proverbial ‘bird of a feather’, we welcome you to peck your way through our web site. And, yes, we’re serious. You’ll soon learn that we take gloves very seriously.

If you’ve flocked with us before, we celebrate your ongoing participation. With an aging Boomer population and gridlock in Washington, it’s an uncertain future for our cause. In a fiscally challenged world, it’s you, dedicated glove-wearer, and your unwavering consumption of our ‘vittles’, which inspire us to fill the proverbial trough year over year.

We thank you.
We salute you.
If we were a biologically capable entity, we’d have your baby.

No fool like an old fool…
Yes, like Shirley Maclaine on top of that piano, we’re still here. We guess it’s just our fighting spirit.

When Rocky fought The Russian, we were cheering.
When Karen Silkwood fought The Man, we were praying.
When Cagney and Lacey fought The Network, we were hoping.


In that same spirit of tenacity, we are here for you once again. We welcome you into the fighting fold. And, without delay, we renew the ANNUAL GLOVE MESSAGE:

To prevent cuticle cracks in the 43rd parallel region (including Rochester, Nice, and Southern Mongolia), hands must be gloved when out of doors from October 01 through March 31.

Every time, you ask? Every time*, we respond.

Use it, but don’t abuse it…
*The 50-plus caveat: If the temperature exceeds fifty degrees Fahrenheit at any time during the Glove Region Imperative Period (GRIP), gloves may be gently removed and kept close at hand.

Does the early bird really catch the worm?
We’re not sure about burrowing invertebrates, but we do know that, besides crack-free winters, better sex, and reduced healthcare expenses, diligent glove users 'catch' the satisfaction of knowing they belong to one of the fastest growing movements in continental history.

Crazy is as crazy does?
We don’t think so. When EGAD!’s founder, Gregory A. Gerard, stood crying in the sink back in the winter of 1989, nursing yet another batch of cracked cuticles, he realized that ignorance, indeed, was not bliss.

Right there, over that sink, he made a vow.
A vow to himself.
A vow to fingers everywhere.
Gregory would not rest until he discovered the cure for Seasonally-Induced Cuticle Cracks (SICC). And once discovered, he’d disseminate that knowledge to the world. For, in this case, dear Reader, knowledge is power.

We’re pleased to report that our founder has kept that promise.

Too many cooks…
As our message reaches more and more gloveless persons, we recognize a concerted effort to suppress our truth. And yet we persevere, until every hand on this globe dons a glove throughout the chill of winter.
Even in the face of pharmaceutical lobbyists who threaten our funding.
Even in the wake of a conservative right which decries our science.
Even at the mercy of a corporate media which squelches our agenda.

We don’t please anybody. Except, we hope, you.

He who hesitates…
People, don’t delay. Get your gloves out of storage. Pour yourself a martini. And then, while the gloves are airing out and the vodka’s settling in:
o Read this year’s EGAD! TESTIMONIAL (from D.C.’s own Robert ‘Chips’ Sobolewski).
o Visit the EGAD! ARCHIVES to review the thousands of encouraging words of testimony and tribute from years past.
o Embrace the EGAD! FRIENDS to support the ongoing efforts of this worthy organization.
o Post your EGAD! FEEDBACK to this year’s new Facebook fan site.

Saving the best for last…
Devoted Reader, if we must leave you for another year, we leave you with this thought:

Those bony appendages at the end of your arms were made for celebration – not cracks.

Treat ‘em right.

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