Earth. Air. Fire. Glove.
WELCOME! Oh yes, it's once again that time of year we all
look forward to.
We at Gloves On Gloves (GOG) welcome your visit to the Glove Notice™
2008.
You look good.
You've been wearing your gloves.
We can tell.
IF YOU'VE been liking gloves since Madonna was like a virgin, use this time as a quick refresher.
IF
YOU'RE new to the glove-on-glove movement, don't let us hold you
up for another instant!
Read on and catch the passion that we hope to generate in your cuticles.
THE
MEDIA
Since 2002, we at Gloves On Gloves have labored unendingly to bring
you this
vital message. And the polls show us that you're listening.
Our
message is so simple—so bipartisan—so apolitical—it
tends to be dismissed
by a conflict-hungry media. Be grateful that someone cared enough
to steer you to
this Web site today.
OR maybe you steered yourself. Many, many do.
|
THE
MESSAGE |
THE
MEAGER EXCUSES
"But GOG," you shirk, "I just don't need
gloves in autumn."
YES, we goad. And Project Runway has advanced the intellectual sum of human knowledge.
"But GOG," you dodge, "somebody told me this whole glove notice thing is some sort of weird sexual joke."
NO, we scold. It sounds like "somebody" might be spending too much time in the glue aisle at Seven Eleven.
"But GOG," you plead, "won't people ridicule me for wearing gloves in October?"
PERHAPS,
we state. But if people taunted you for wearing pants...would you
venture out sans pants? After you've been arrested for indecent
exposure and
identity thieves have hacked your SS# from the local sex-offender
registry,
you'll
think twice about the value of ridicule.
THE
MISSION
In the years before Sarah Palin wore trendy glasses, Gregory Gerard
suffered. Throughout the winters of his youth, he was plagued with
painful cuticle cracks. He sought relief in many places. Some seemly;
some seedy; none providing the
answer. Creams, bandages, soap, heat, aloe, soaking, meditation,
relocation—all
of these came and went. But, like The Golden Girls reruns
on Lifetime, Gregory's cuticle cracks persisted.
Until the week in his late twenties when he made an unwitting, joyous discovery. The week he wore his gloves outside EVERY DAY. EVERY TIME. And the cracks began to heal.
Since those early years, Gregory has done everything in his power to spread this critical message. E-mail campaigns, hard-copy newsletters and, finally, in 2007, through the power of the World Wide Web, the Glove Notice reached a global audience.
We celebrate his tireless commitment to spreading this critical news!
THE
MEAT
Folks, don't just read to this point and say, "We get it, GOG.
Don't need to go any further."
Statistics have demonstrated that those who spend more than twelve minutes at our site (eighty-seven percent of our visitors) are more likely to reach a crack-free April. Take the time visit our other tabs, including this year's GLOVE TESTIMONY by Mary Beth Kosmicki, this year's GLOVE FRIENDS, and this year's recently expanded GLOVE ARCHIVES.
To the other "unlucky thirteen" percent—those who snub our cause—we invite you to return when mind-numbing slits have seared their way into your fingers.
Like
the prodigal's father, we'll be here.
If
this annual glove message makes as much sense to you as it does
us,
please express your support with a purchase at WWW.JUPITERSSHADOW.COM.